Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's really bad here today. My husband is under the gun to move out of the garage he rents, because he doesn't have the money to continue renting. So he has to find space in our 1.5 car garage to store the stuff he used to keep in a 3 car, plus the tools and lawn mower, bikes, etc.
He is so stressed and so down trodden, that he can't pick himself up anymore. He has let life defeat him.
When I look at him, I can't even see him anymore. The man that used to love me and care for me and our children is gone. All I see when I look now, is total disgust for me and the burden I have caused him. I really believe that he not only doesn't love me anymore, but that my husband hates me.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Is your path straight?

Does your husband threaten to leave you all the time? Mine does. Just this morning, he was storming around the house screaming because he was still mad about me having to go to a doctor's appt. last night (he was stuck with the kids). On his way out the door, he told me I was a fu#king cu%t. He then went on to say "this, right here, is coming to an end", and he made a little circle in the air with his finger.
I live in constant fear that one of these days he will mean it and walk out on us. I struggle with that fear, because I know that I wasn't given a spirit of fear, but of power.

Romans 8:15

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

I know that I can cry out to my Father in fear, and that He will comfort me, but all too many times, I lean on my own understanding, which fails me every time.

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.


Am I leaning on my Father as I am commanded? Are you? I know that I have a long way to go before I can fully rely on the wisdom of my Lord. First, i need to move out of the way, and let Him work things out for my family.